Talking to parents about full time ministry – III
The problem is that we tend to think fairly individualistically. What can I do to fix this? What things should I say? And that’s nice, but the Bible sees church as much more than a collection of individuals. In 1 Timothy for instance the metaphor of a family keeps coming up again and again throughout that book. And it’s when church functions well as a family that Christian parents can be helped to respond better to FTM.
You see, when you raise the question of FTM, your parents will become worried (or even angry). But it’s not just an issue within your family – it’s also a pastoral issue! They are all of a sudden confronted with issues that touch on financial security, image, honour. And behind these yet again lie issues that are fed by the doctrine of church, of eschatology, even of creation and providence. Some of these may have been untested areas that are suddenly put to the test when you raise the possibility of FTM.
However as their son or daughter, you’re not really in a position to ‘pastor’ them through these issues, even though you’re no longer a child. They need to hear that "FTM is a great thing to aspire to", or "don’t be so worried about money". But you’re not actually the one who’s in the best placed to say these things to them. They may need to hear these things - but they won’t necessarily hear these things very well from their own son or daughter!
But this is where your church family comes in. You see, you need for people who are their peers to talk to them and pastor them through the issues they are suddenly confronting. They need other middle-aged adults to tell them that "FTM is a great thing to aspire to", and "don’t be so worried about money". Your Christian parents may need to be rebuked for having ungodly priorities – but it’s not appropriate for you to be doing that. Someone their own age can rebuke them in the way they need.
And you can see this principle at work in 1 Timothy. In 1 Timothy 5:1 Paul tells Timothy, "do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father." This passage is not saying that ‘old people’ must never be rebuked – but that Timothy should relate in a appropriate way to people who are older than him – a way that’s different from when he’s relating to those younger than him. There is an appropriateness of relating that western individualism is a little blind to.
So ideally, other people in your church will be taking up the opportunity to ‘pastor’ your parents. What can you do to get the process moving? Here are some suggestions:
- Tell your pastor how your parents are reacting to you thinking about FTM. This will allow your pastor to minister to them directly, or get others in the pastoral team to do that.
- Talk to other pastors in other congregations about encouraging their congregations about FTM, so that people from other congregations are also exposed to the need for people doing FTM.
- Seek prayer and advice from people who are peers (or even friends) of your parents.
Your interest in FTM is not just a conflict within your family. If you’ve got Christian parents, it’s probably also pastoral issue. And what you want to do is not handle it all yourself – but instead to get the wider ‘church family’ involved!
[ PS: the recent Challenge Conference in October saw the first ever parallel Cantonese language track! ]
Categories: Ministry
