Reaching out to your non Christian parents
They might have been keen for you to go to church earlier on, but now they’re not so sure, because you’re taking it far too seriously. They hoped that you’d learn some good morals and manners at church – but you’ve become really serious about Christianity – much too serious for their liking!
Or they were against you becoming a Christian from the very begining. They were horrified when you started going to church, and have put every obstacle in your way ever since.
Opposition from non Christian parents can come in various forms. They give you a hard time every time you want to go to church or Bible study. They even schedule family events to purposely clash with church events so as to force you to choose between family and God. They may even forbid you to go to Bible study, and will most certainly point out all your faults as being hypocritical. "Aha", they say with delight, "is that what good Christians do?"
Sharing the gospel with your parents can be very hard, but there are three important things you must realise.
Firstly, there is a reason why parents find it hard to hear the gospel from you – and that’s because you are their child. You are younger than them – and you always will be. They can remember you drawing on walls and biting the furniture. And now you want to tell them which God is real? You want to tell them that the stuff they’ve been believing all along is completely wrong? Well of course you want to tell them these things – and it’s for their own good. But they will find it impossibly hard to listen, for the simple fact that you are their child, and they are not disposed to learn such things from their child. Imagine for a moment that roles are reversed – and your own child is telling you how it is. You would probably also find it hard to believe your child knows better than you!
Secondly, does this mean that it’s completely hopeless? No. Because while they will be ill-disposed to hear the gospel from you, they will hear it much better from someone their own age and life-stage. And this is simply how natural relationships work – they are much more likely to listen to their own peers. But how can you transform yourself from being a child, to being a 50-year old person? The answer is that you can’t. However, chances are that there are others in your church (maybe even your congregation) that are already at the same age and life-stage as your own non Christian parents.
That’s right, the parents and adults in your service are exactly the thing you need to witness to your non Christian parents. And what you (and your church) needs to recognise is that you aren’t the only one who reaches out to your parents – instead your church as a whole should be reaching out to your parents. And so what you and your church needs to do is to mobilise the parents and adults in your church / congregation in reaching out to your parents.
How can you do this? If Jon, your good friend at church has Christian parents, why not drop hints to see if your parents would like to come over to meet your friend Jon – and Jon’s parents. And as they meet Jon’s parents they see that Christian’s aren’t strange and immature – they are in fact people just like them. And as they build relationships they can hear the gospel explained to them by someone their own age, and their own life-stage.
That’s a non-institutionalised way of doing it, but there are other ways that you could formalise it as well. You could make a point of finding out about events that the Cantonese side is running, and telling your parents about them. You could encourage your pastor or older people in your congregation to catch the vision of reaching out to the non Chrsitian parents of youth. But even if they don’t go for it – you could still do things on the small scale, like I described.
Thirdly, does that mean that there’s nothing for you to do but sit back and watch? No. You play an important part in the process, by witnessing to your parents, showing them what Christians are like in day-to-day life. Jon’s parents can explain to them what Christianity’s all about, but they can’t hang around to live out the Christian life for your parents – only you can do that. And as you make work at being godly at home, as you make gospel-driven decisions, as you repent from your sin, you are witnessing to your parents.
This doesn’t mean that you have to be perfect at home – for no Christian will be perfect. And in fact, that’s not what a Christian is in the first place! Instead you are showing to them that a Christian is a sinner who has been forgiven, and is growing in godliness. They may still make sarcastic and hurtful comments when they catch you at your worst (and we are all at our worst at home). But if you are turning from your sins, and seeking to walk in righteousness, they will notice.
So that’s how to reach out to your non Christian parents. Don’t think you can do it all by yourself – make use of your older brothers and sisters at church! And make sure you play your part well – the part that only you can play!
[ PS: ...and Chinese parents do become Christians! ]
Categories: Ministry
I\’m struggling more than ever now with my non-Christian parents. I feel as though they are holding me back, mostly due to the fact that i know that they cannot understand that i prioritize God above them. They still see me as their child for sure, and its challenging for them to see that i don\’t need their moral guidance anymore, as i find that in Christ, along with the so many other pleasures found in Christ.My sister was a committed Christian, but after a turn of events she fell out of the faith and is now lesbian. I have an issue with this, as it is outlined in Romans 1 that homosexual relations are an "unnatural" way. They cannot possibly understand why i have a problem with this, they merely see it as my narrow-mindedness as a Christian. I still love my sister just as much! I hate the sin, not the sinner.All of this, and i struggle to be the best godly teenager i can be at home. All these issues, they bring out the worst in me, and that directly effects how i look on the outside. I\’m seen as a hypocrite, and i have said some things that have definitely not been helpful. But overall, i know that God is sovereign and gracious. He loves us so much and He has a plan for me.
Andrew and Alex,
I can both deeply understand your positions, it certainly is tough. My parents were both raised Catholic, but don’t practice it anymore and now being a Christian, they have definitely given me a hard time. They don’t like it when I read my Bible e.g. and every time I make a mistake, they go “Is that what you believe?” It’s so frustrating I agree.
Right there with you guys. My mom was raised Catholic but now only thinks the church is out to get your money and is going to scam you. (I go to a christian church) I try my best to show her the love of Jesus but it’s hard because yes, at home is when your at the worst! I sometimes rejoice in the psalms when it says the wicked will be cut down, but God is sovereign over my emotions too and wishes that none perish but all will come to repentance. We need to PRAY for our parents. If we can show God’s love to our parents, then surely we can handle most situations outside of the home! Keep pressing on in faith, looking to Jesus. God bless you guys :)