1. About Transactional AnalysisTransactional Analysis (or TA) is a way of mapping inter and intra-personal relationships developed by Eric Berne, in his book
Games People Play. It essentially says that people operate out of one of three ego states: the parent, the adult, and the child (see diagram on the right).
The Parent ego state, in its Nurturing mode, is empathic. It demonstrates, explains, and shares. It appreciates and sees what is right. It provides firm, not harsh structure and limits.
However the parent ego state, in its Critical mode, is quite the opposite. It is judging and punishing. It controls, and is fault finding, looking for what is wrong. It is uninvolved apart from giving pain. It provides either excessive, or arbitary limits or structure.
The Adult ego state engages in rational thought. It is responsible, and able to delay gratification.
The Child ego state, in its Natural mode is marked by playfulness, spontinaety, creativity, freedom and openness of expression.
However the child ego state, in its Not OK mode, is marked by helplessness, hurt, rebelliousness, guilt and inadequacy.
Theologically sharp readers will already pick up the inherent positivism about humans, in describing ‘natural children’ in such positive terms. Underlying this is a humanistic philosophy that is obviously quite different from biblical Christianity (although it is quite similar to the assumptions of Chinese culture – read about it
here).
However putting that aside, Transactional Analysis is actually a helpful way of mapping out what happens when two people interact with one another – and particularly in identifying what makes a relationship dysfunctional…
2. Reciprocal transactions
When people interact with each other, each person will do so out of one ego state or another. And the resulting transaction can be described as reciprocal /complementary – or not. More about the other sort later on, but here are some examples of reciprocal transactions. These can be considered healthy ways of relating.
In this first example, these two individuals are both relating to each other out of their Adult ego states.
Alex: "I think we need to rethink our business stategy." (Adult)
Bruce: "You’re right. What ideas have you got?" (Adult)
In this second example, the first person interacts playfully with the second, who responds in kind. They may be adults, but sometimes adults interact out of the Natural child ego state.
Alex (smiling): "Wouldn’t it be funny if we put decaf in the coffee machine!" (Natural child)
Bruce (smiling): "Go on, I dare ya!" (Natural child)
In this third example, the first person relates playfully with another person as a Natural child. This second person then responds (equally playfully) by taking on the role of the Nurturing parent.
Alex: "Oh no, I can’t find that report! Panic! Panic!" (Natural child)
Bruce: (shaking head and smiling) "Tsk. Maybe you should clean up your desk sometime!" (Nurturing parent)
This fourth example, however, is a little different. Here you have the two people taking on the roles of Not OK child and Critical parent – and those roles are certainly reciprocal. But if this represented the norm in a relationship between two adults, it would in fact be an unhealthy relationship!
Alex: (fearfully) "Um… can I please have this approved?" (Not OK child)
Bruce: (brusquely) "Let me see. No." (Critical parent)
3. Crossed transactions
There are other unhealthy ways of relating to one another. These are called crossed transactions – when there is a mismatch in the ego states chosen by the two individuals.
In this next example, the first person engages with the second as an Adult – however the second person responds back as a Critical parent!
Alex: "I think we need to rethink our business stategy." (Adult)
Bruce: (crossly) "I’ve told you before – it’s fine. Just do what you’re told." (Critical parent)
This next one has the first person engaging with the second as an Adult – but the second person responds back as the Not OK child!
Alex: "Can you make it to the team meeting in ten?" (Adult)
Bruce: (truculently) "Leave me alone!" (Not OK child)
In this final example, you have the first person taking on the role of Critical parent, while the second person responds as an Adult. This would probably infuriate the first person, because they expected the second person to fall into the Not OK child ego state – but he doesn’t!
Alex: (barely contained rage) "Can you explain what you were thinking?" (Critical parent)
Bruce: (calmly) "Sure. You told us last week to make all the arrangements. So we got three quotes, and chose the best one." (Adult)
4. Transactional Analysis and the Chinese
Transactional Analysis can be used to analyse relationship patterns in Chinese cultures. And interestingly, what you may often find is that people relate to each other out of ego states that reinforce Confucian social heirarchy…
Leaders take on the
parent ego state, and expect subordinates to relate to them from the
child ego state. And in Confucianism this involves obedience and reverence (see article on
Filial Piety). If things are going well, there will be peace – but peace that comes from a ‘Nurturing parent’ – ‘Natural child’ relationship. If however things are
not going well, there will be conflict – and that conflict will manifest itself in terms of a ‘Critical parent’ – ‘Not OK child’ transaction!
But when subordinates choose to transact out of the Adult ego state, it is seen as rude and disrespectful!
5. Transactions – and the gospel
However when the gospel comes to the Chinese, it transforms everything – even the eyes with which we see one another in our Christian community. The predominant paradigm for Christian leadership is no longer authoritative parent – but humble slave!
42 Jesus called them together and said, "You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. 43 Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 44 and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. 45 For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."
Mark 10:42-45 (NIV)
It’s interesting that when the New Testament talks about the early church, we hear of masters and slaves being addressed … as brothers. Of women no longer being invisible in the Christian community. Of Jew and Gentile relating to each other … as equal partners of the one family. And this because the gospel dismantles the old structures of society in its wake, and creates a new community that is astoundingly egalitarian!
And in particular what transforms the self-understanding of Christians is, on the one hand, having our eyes opened to see the depth, the extent, the horror of our own sinfulness. This creates a true humility in us, and takes away all self righteousness. And on the other hand it is seeing with greater clarity the glory of God in his righteous perfection. This takes our focus away from our own ego, our own position and rights – and instead centres it in its rightful place – the glory of God!
[ PS: try mapping out some of your relationships - what do you discover? ]
