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A short while ago I posted a series of articles on the Chinese understanding of ‘face’ (March 22, April 08 and 21, May 01, 15 and 30). Since then I’ve also had the privilege to present some lectures and workshops on the topic of ‘face’, which has allowed me to develop my thinking a little further. And one of the things I’ve been thinking about is what to do about face behaviour.

1. In your own self, grow to love and pursue the glory of God – not your own face.

You can’t just force yourself to not love something (such as your own ‘face’) – that’s not how our heart works. Instead, we have to grow to love something else to a greater extent – and that which rightfully ought to have that place in our affections is God himself (see previous post here). And so if we are ourselves to be liberated from our love for ‘face’, we must grow in our love for God and his glory.

Not only is this what we have been created for (and so good for us) – it is also a means by which we influence others around us. When others see in us a freedom from face consciousness, yes, it may cause some to despise us as those who do not want any face (pu yau lien). But it will attract others who want to know how it is that we can be so liberated.

2. In your ministry to others hold up to others the glory of God – so that, by God’s grace, they may love it.

Not only do we ourselves need to be people who are growing in our love for God, in our ministry to others we want to be intentional in holding up to others the glory of God – the excellencies of his grace and the majesty of his holiness. Our ministry should not just be about telling people, ‘don’t love money’, ‘don’t lie’, ‘don’t love face’. Those commands have no power in them, and people will not be able to tear themselves away from their love of face.

Instead we do for them, the same thing we do for ourselves. We parade before them in our teaching the loveliness of God in as many ways as we can: through our Bible studies. our sermons. our song leading. our casual conversations over coffee. And by God’s grace, the Holy Spirit will work in their hearts to fire up in them a love for God – and not other things.

Be aware here that our aim must not merely be to free people from a love of face. That is not good enough, because a person could conceivably replace that with a love for family – or a love for wife – or justice. And laudable though these may seem to us, these are not acceptable substitutes for the love of God.

3. In your interactions treat those who love their own face as the weaker brother.

People don’t take well to having their well-loved idols ripped out of their clutching hands. They will hate you for taking away their idol, and will not be disposed to listen to you, even though you may speak the truth! You must deal gently with them. Consider them as your weaker brother (Romans 14, 1 Corinthians 8).

And so yes, we do wish for them to be set free from their love of face – but while we work intentionally for their liberation from face, for their sake we also accommodate their love for face for a time.

4. In your perception of others, understand that there may, in fact, be a kind and caring edge to their face behaviour.

Face behaviour can be quite disgusting and petty, for people who are not brought up on it. And so it’s quite natural for thsoe who are not as face conscious to see bad motives behind every instance of face behaviour. And so: they are not talking to me directly because they are gutless cowards. They are unwilling to apologise because they are not true Christians. They aren’t dealing with conflict openly because they have dirty things to hide.

Yes, that could be the case – and we know from our theology that sin can taint everything that we do, even as Christians!

But they may be doing what they culturally understand to be the loving thing to do. This face behaviour, that is interpreted negatively by those of us unfamiliar with it, could be out of a culturally instinctive desire to protect the relationship, to shelter us from open embarrasment, to get a good outcome for everyone.

5. In your understanding of your role, consider yourself a missionary from the ABC world, interacting with natives of the OBC world.

Because there are not one, but two cultures involved: the Australian Born Chinese (ABC) and the Overseas Born Chinese (OBC). And when we get involved with people from another culture, we should behave as missionaries. Not demanding that they must be like us! But living among them, winning their trust, and proclaiming to them a God who is far greater than their idols. Think – and live – like a missionary.

6. In your overall strategy, raise face as an area for discipleship – but in a smart way!

Because it may never have occurred to your OBC friend that their face behaviour is an area that actually needs to be brought under the lordship of Christ! Yes, their pastor may have been showing them  the glory of God for many years, but they may still not grow out of their love for face. And that’s because people tend to be blind to their own culture. This is where people from other cultures – such as ABCs – can be helpful to our OBC brothers and sisters.

However, you need to raise the issue of face in a smart way. That is, you need to do it in a way that takes into account how people of the OBC culture likes to hear things. And one example of this is directness / indirectness. 

In Western cultures, we prefer to be told up-front, "look here – these are the three things you need to fix up." We don’t like people to beat around the bush. It appears manipulative to us.

But Eastern cultures prefer the indirect route. And so instead you might tell a story about the first converts to Christianity in China, "who so loved God, that they didn’t care about their own face. Those first converts faced the hatred and alienation from their own family, co-workers and villagers. They lost face before so many people. But they knew they were now friends of God…" And as you tell that story, OBCs will begin to think to themselves, "Yes, that’s true – I must also be willing to lose my face!" You haven’t scolded them about face! But through the story they see that their love for face must also become an area of discipleship…

[ PS: any other points that you would make on how to deal with face? ]