How Chinese engage in conflict
The Chinese are strongly influenced by Confucianism, which has shaped the thinking and behaviour over a period of two and a half thousand years. And arguably the highest virtue in Confucianism is harmony.
Confucius taught during a time when China was divided up into warring kingdoms. And he taught with the aim of bringing about harmony for the whole of society. But he also desired harmony in other places as well – the ruler was to maintain harmony between heaven and earth. The li was meant to order harmonious relationships between the five key relationships of society (eg. between the ruler and subjects). And even within oneself, the goal was to train oneself by means of the rites so that one would naturally and instinctively (or harmoniously) perform the right thing.
And particularly, conflict is to be avoided. Here is a famous passage from the Analects:
Master said, ‘There is no contention between gentlemen. The nearest to it is, perhaps, archery. In archery they bow and make way for one another as they go up and on coming down they drink together. Even the way they contend is gentlemanly.’
Confucius, Lun Yu, 3.7
The most conflict you should find in society is an archery contest. But even in that contest the way they engage in that ‘conflict’ is in a gentlemanly fashion. They drink together. They make way for one another. They bow towards each other. This is the most conflict that one should see in society!
But the reality is that today, in Confucian-influenced societies, there is still conflict – it’s simply not the case that there is only harmony! But the way that conflict is expressed is strongly shaped by Confucianism.
2. In group and out group
Hui-Ching Chang, in “The Concept of Yuan and Chinese Conflict Resolution” points out that there is invariably an inner group, and an outer group in Chinese society. And different rules apply to different groups. If you belong to the inner group (of the family, clan, gang, faction) then you may expect a fair degree of tolerance and flexibility of relationship. However outside of that group, slights are taken with full seriousness, and offences are never forgotten.
And so there is a marked difference between the inner group, and the outer group. Chang writes that,
“the Chinese tendency to avoid conflict tends to be narrowly defined within the family or the in-group. While Chinese may be willing to maintain a somewhat conflict-free atmpsohere among family or friends with in-group ties, in line with their tendency to mark clear distinctions between insider and outsider they find little reason to hide their aggressiveness toward out-group members in conflict situations.”
Hui-Ching Chang
This means that if you are considered in the outer group by a person, and if you get on their wrong side, you may still feel a lot of hostility towards you – despite the much vaunted Chinese love for harmony in all things.
3. Mechanisms for criticising others
But not only that, Chang points out that there are particular mechanisms that the Chinese have developed for expressing that hostility in a way that preserves the semblance of harmony. He writes that,
“underneath the surface of conflict-free harmony, Chinese also cleverly craft manipulative messages to communicate competition, frustration, and other signs of interpersonal discord. Given the extensiveness of Chinese interpersonal networks and their need to manage multiple layers of relationship, many Chinese have developed skillful forms of verbal expression to compete and negotiate with, criticize, and even ridicule others. Throughout Chinese history, ministers in government have been known to use clever language, involving metaphor, analogy, irony, and so on, to criticize higher officials (even the emperor) while protecting themselves from punishment or death.”
Hui-Ching Chang
Chang lists a few of these methods, and you can see how they allow the user to preserve the pretence of harmony, while sniping at their opponent from safety at the very same time.
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- zhishang mahuai (pointing to the mulberry tree and scolding the locust tree)
- xiaoli cangdao (hiding a knife behind one’s smile)
- komi fujian (mouth sweet and knife in the stomach)
This gives the user a kind of plausible deniability when directly challenged by their opponent (or emperor). “No, I was obviously scolding the mulberry tree.”
4. Use of these methods among Chinese Chrisitans
But you can see that not only is this a means of indicating one’s disapproval to another, it’s also a means by which one exacts a form of revenge. A means by which one pays back, humiliates, even punishes the other – and all this is done out in the open.
“Instead of addressing issues directly, hinting becomes an effective means for conveying interpersonal problems. Conflict that is concealed under surface cooperativeness helps assert group harmony while at the same time satisfying the needs of the individual.”
Hui-Ching Chang
While this all makes a kind of sense within the Confucian world-view, it’s inappropriate for Chinese Christians to employ such methods. Rather than humiliating and punishing our opponents, and rather than merely expressing our own disapproval – even if done in a plausibly deniable way – we are to do things in a Matthew 18 way.
Our response to hurt must not be to cleverly attack back – but to show the other person their fault (Matt 15:15), and offer forgiveness (Matt 15:21-22). As people who know the astounding forgiveness of the Lord Jesus Christ, we are to be a people who forgive – as the Lord has forgiven us (Col 3:13)!















